I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
We don't watch enough power rangers
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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