Christians are straight up FREAKS
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
All the doctor said was why
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
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