I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
