I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
