yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
Help. Why am I so naked?
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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