I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
The beers last night were like the tears from god
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
