She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Randomize
