I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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