he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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