P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Randomize
