just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Randomize
