i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
