"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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