I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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