bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
