im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
