super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
