As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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