My first STD was from a foam party
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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