if you like me you must not know who I am
Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
