I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
