I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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