So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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