somebody snuck up and got me drunk
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
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