airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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