if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
