happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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