So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
