I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
