ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
what day is it and did you see me today?
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
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