i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
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