did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
