my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
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