Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
