Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
