Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
