The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
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