we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
