Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
The uberlube is also flammable
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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