what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
