he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Randomize
