I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Randomize
