Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
