I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
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