I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
Randomize
