im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
