Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
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