omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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