physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
MIDGETS
????
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
