Im at strip club and am horny
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
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