Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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