i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
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