i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
