I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
