I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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