Only a mothe r could love this liver
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
Randomize
