Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
