another moral hangover. fuck.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
