you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
