if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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